1. |
Crush
02:14
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Twenty years of isolation
Makes a good basis for a dozen albums
When I gave up
You came along
You told me how I changed your life
I heard a crush in my heart
When everything to do with you haunts me all at once, all of the time
What will I do with these memories you left behind?
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2. |
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I. Discord
Someone I trust
Someone I love
I never thought I could find one
But I found you
Or is it that you found me?
I want to believe we were meant to be
And you don’t have to sing a melody
I will write you one with what you said to me
I could hear you endlessly
Text me when I’m up
I can never have enough
And when you go to bed
I’ll see you tomorrow again
The sun is setting and it’s rising
You’re only by my side in passing
I’ll go to bed
And see you tomorrow again
II. Waterhole
I was walking by the river
While I was thinking about your voice
And in the night sky, the skyscrapers shine beautifully
Like they are stars
And it was raining when I came out of the station
I was sprinting to my home
I heard a ping in my phone
And beneath glowing stars
I stopped to call you
You said, “Good morning”
You said you wanted to touch
You said you wanted to touch me
You said you wanted to touch
You said you wanted to touch me
Through the screen
III. The Answer
You hear my music like it changed your life
You know me from a hundred songs
But I only know you as you
I’m in love with you
Are you in love with me, or the one you made?
There’s a hundred different me’s and only one of you
Can you find the one I am?
Will you know which one is true?
I guess I’m never logging off
Don’t say goodbye
If you’re gonna say you love me
Then tell me why
And don’t lie
Oh, I don’t wanna let this go
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t let this thing ever end
Don’t let it die
IV. Avocado
What if I was the muse; and you, the writer?
Change the roles, I want you to make a story for me
You’re the only artist who can write my poem
Same place, same time
Isn’t that a miracle
Can’t believe I found her, out of all people
Goddamnit, there will never be another one, huh?
Never wanna have to find another love, then
Same you, same me
Gonna love you even when I’m hurt
I am never gonna go home
Never wanna be alone
Write a song
Say the words and I will put it in a melody
Never go
Never say goodbye
“We should talk more often”
V. Cecily
Can you be my boyfriend or my girlfriend?
I’ll give you time to think about it
Could I be your boyfriend or your girlfriend?
I need some time to think about it
...Can I be your girlfriend?
...Can I be your...
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3. |
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When I first met you, I was terrified of knowing you
Knew this was a bad plan
Should have kept you as a fan
But as the days went by
Everything got closer
Closer, closer
Come closer, closer
Breathe
Stop my time
Let’s stay like this forever
You can say whatever you want
Can I ever get you out of my mind?
Are you ever gonna leave me behind?
Cause I never wanna see the signs
Not when you are always saying that it’s fine
Avocado, can I make you mine?
I am waiting until you come online
Everything is looking good this time
But for me I know that things are never fine
I can't turn you into music
You are art personified
And every attempt is inconclusive
Your life is reality deified
“If music is life, then you’re a god”
Then God’s everything, it’s everything
It’s it/Id and you and me
You can paint me in pixels
Art is orange and pink, everything is one
Turn me into one of these shapes
And teach me how to write your life
How can anyone not make art after meeting you?
You're green and red, colours shaping into every hue
I tried to love better
Undo my story
Now you’re up
Everything that meant something to you was me writing a path onto meeting you
Write a signal
It was meant to be reached
TLD, make a god
You priestess
I wish that you were here to watch me write this song
Oh my god,
I wish that I never have to let you go!
Tully, will you get out of my life?
Will you let me know if you're still alive?
Cause I'm never gonna be your wife
Every day, at the climax of the night
"You're somebody who has touched my life
Renns, that won't change as long as we're alive"
What you said will never leave my mind
You have painted my life and I'm petrified
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4. |
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I'm a goddamn catastrophe
I fuck up everything around me
Cause I'm jealous
Yeah, I'm selfish
So what did you fucking expect from me
Darling, this is all there is
And I'm always terrified
That you’re leaving me behind
Insecurity is eating me alive
And I know it’s just a lie
When you act like it’s all fine
Now I'm leaving home
Never say goodbye
Think about a future you and me could try
I never wanna be alone
All the memories
This will leave behind
Summer's come and by
Just another lie they’ll find
Will you please just listen to me talk
I’m singing a song
I can’t deny
I’m acting a little obsessive
That doesn’t mean you can treat me like I’m fucking toxic
I know I’m fucking up
You think I haven’t thought about it before?
I’m just tired of being treated like my way of loving is wrong
And I'm always terrified
That you’re leaving me behind
Insecurity is eating me alive
And I know it’s just a lie
When you act like it’s all fine
Throw it all away
Memory of those days
Can’t even remember how you used to say
(Humming)
That’s it, Cecily
Nothing to amend
Summer isn’t over
Just you in the end
It’s just the end of my weekend
AND YOU’RE NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN!!!!!!
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5. |
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6. |
June
05:27
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Friend,
We have been talking so much lately
It’s to the point
I get concerned if you are right for me
Friend,
This past month has been so lonely
We make each other so much worse
That it seems you’ll be better off without me
Because she’s the one that’s meant for you
I’m so envious of you two
All these moments that we spent
I hope they meant something
And yeah
We hurt each other
And that’s fine
So I don’t regret anything
Though I wish I had told you one last thing
One thing that I couldn't say
I’m sorry
Friend,
You have given so much to me
It’s so daunting
Cause it’s so much more than I deserve
Friend,
I hope you’ll miss me when I’m gone
I tried my best to be good for you
But we will never be good enough for each other
She’s the one that I’m in love with
But she’ll never look at me the way she looks at you
All these moments that we spent
I hope they meant something
And yeah
We hurt each other
And that’s fine
So I don’t regret anything
Though I wish I had told you one last thing
One thing that I couldn't say
I loved you
I stepped outside on a sunny day
I knew this was the end
And I realized:
Everything just kept going
Even without you around
It was the same sky, the same sun
Night came and it was the same stars, same moon
Every day of the week went by
And before I knew it
It was Sunday
ねぇ、いつまでも空はこんなにきれいなのかな
ねぇ、いつまでも風はこんなに透明なのかな
ねぇ、いつまでも春の次は夏なのかな
最悪な日曜日
(Hey, I wonder if the sky will always be this pretty)
(Hey, I wonder if the wind will always be this clear)
(Hey, I wonder if summer will always come after spring)
(This is the worst Sunday)
And I know what you’re thinking
You touched my life in so many ways
And yet, you were in it for so little of it
If there was a me without you for 20 years
That can be another 20 years, I guess
This is the worst Sunday
And I didn’t need you to fix me
And I didn’t need you to be there all the time
And I didn’t need you to love me
And I didn’t need you to hate me
I just wanted you to think about me
I just wanted to be in your life
I wanted to hold you and not let you go and cry out
That I’m sorry
That I love you
That I loved you!
THAT I LOVED YOU!!!
So the summer never comes here
So the summer never comes here
So the summer never comes here
So the summer never comes here
So the summer never comes here
So the summer never comes here
And my weekend’s gonna end here
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7. |
THE WORST!!!
03:45
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I'm trying to do my best to keep this up
Every day, I'm scared that you will say this is enough
Cause I know no one falls for who I am
All I can do is write a fucking song
It’s the only reason anyone’s ever been mistaken that they love me
That you love me
I’M THE WORST KIND OF PERSON!
I AM FUCKED IN THE HEAD
AND YOU’RE GONNA LEAVE ME SOON ANYWAY
I’M THE WORST KIND OF PERSON!
I’LL MESS UP IN THE END
AND I’M NEVER GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN!
Do you wanna call with me?
Do you wanna spend some time with me?
But you have some other plans
So I cry while you’re talking to your friends
Every time I see you I’m just making you sad, yeah
I know! I’m sorry! I know! I’m sorry!
I should be better and I know that you’re mad, yeah
I’m jealous! I’m selfish! I’m jealous! I’m selfish!
I just wanna trust you but I’m always insecure
So I lie and I lie and I lie and I lie!
Maybe you should leave me and just get it over with
But I’ll miss you and I’ll miss you and I’ll miss you and I’ll miss you!
Because when I’m unhappy
I feel like I can’t trust me
Every day I spend with you
I feel like I am dreaming
Like it’s a lie
I’M THE WORST KIND OF PERSON!
I AM FUCKED IN THE HEAD
AND YOU’RE GONNA LEAVE ME SOON ANYWAY
I’M THE WORST KIND OF PERSON!
I’LL MESS UP IN THE END
AND I’M NEVER GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN!
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8. |
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Whisper in my ear
Stand still and stay here
Cause yesterday was the worst day for the both of us
But today
I swear I’ll make things better
I saw a streetlight but it went out of sight
I came to see the stars
But I can’t see a damn thing
It’s not like Seoul’s known for its stargazing
I wonder if you can see any in North Carolina
Or was it Florida?
I’m not sure
While I was standing by the overpass
I thought that might be the last time for us
Stop my time
Please never leave me behind
Summer weekend
I’m living it over and over again
How could it be like this
I never knew it would come to this
Some nights I spend
Driving as far away as I can
I don’t wanna miss you
Undo this story and start anew
But I’ll still miss you
I wanna go home
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9. |
The Death of Me
04:08
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Don’t say it’s cause you’re bitter
Wasn’t it you who told that lie
You made me a Ship of Theseus
I tried so hard to be your match
Cause it’s you I tried to changed for
I told myself I was selfish
But it was you who never compromised
As I slowly lost myself
You, love, will surely be the death of me
Death of me
And you won’t ever see me again
Your love and lies are all that’s left of me
Left of me
And as I orchestrate my end
It’s your voice in the end
Go ahead and sing my elegy
Your poems will be the death of me
I’m never gonna be the person you want me to be
There’s a hundred different me’s out there
I don’t even know which one you want
What should I do to make you fall in love with who I am?
My love and greed will be the death of me
Death of me
I’m fucked cause I hate saying goodbye
Leave me and go on instead of me
Instead of me
Maybe I can let go before I die
I’m so scared at what’s ahead of me
Ahead of me
Cause I’m so broken at my core
When I’m dead, what will be said of me?
Be said of me
I wonder if you’ll even remember what happened before?
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10. |
Dysfunctional Bunnygirl
07:09
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There's a folder of pictures
Of your art that you showed me
And a list that you made
Of the albums that inspire you
And now they say last opened: 5 months ago
So then how did the time fly
How did I live a life without you
Bridgette said that I don't know how to be a lover
I was sorting this out when you came along
And now how could I ever trust anyone again?
When I'm constantly doubting when they say that they love me
Cydelia said I'm hurt but not a bad person
But it's hard to believe when I never stop crying
Not everyone makes their trauma someone else's problem
Bridgette tells me I'm fine and says this to me
“Cecilia, you are a bunny
But you don't have to be terrified
Cause everyone says that they aren't afraid
But really, they're too scared to admit it
Cecilia, you are a bunny
You don't know yourself as much as you think you do
Cause you're cuter when you don't try to hide the fear
So why don't you show me more of that”
Will it matter
When it’s all gone and passed by?
When I’m done writing this album
Could I get you out of my mind?
Will I move on
Could we talk like things were normal
Tully, I don’t know
If you still would believe in me now
"
how do i put this
people see hate and love as
opposite sides of the same axis
but they're separate emotions towards a person
I don't have to not hate you sometimes to love you as a friend
I am somebody who has really big emotions I don't know how to handle and nobody else knows how to handle but at the end of it all I love you and everyone else no matter how stupid or confused I am
but you're a friend and i don't want to lose you even if
anything
i dont want to lose you
i might need to be left alone sometimes
but
i dont know how to think about myself without thinking about how i affect other people. not at all
and with us together i dont know how to be my own person
and so i get confused and mad because i like, i know that something is preventing me from being my own person
but it was never you
and im sorry
"
Can you be my girlfriend, and me, your girlfriend?
I’ll give you time to think about it
Could I be your girlfriend, and you, my girlfriend?
I need some time to think about it
I’ll give you time to think about it
I need some time to think about it
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11. |
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12. |
You Still Believe in Me!
04:44
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It's fucked up that nothing really changes
Half a year ago, I couldn’t think of a life without you
Now I barely even think about this
Writing songs about heartbreak
Making lots of new friends
I’ve been doing a pretty good job getting over it
But that time with you still feels so long
It’s making me realize
I never needed you
But I still believed in you
I know I fucked up
You fucked up too
But despite all of that
You still believe in me
I never wanna hurt you
I never wanna hurt you
Oh God, you still believe in me
The first month
I was fucking miserable
In the second month I found new love
By the third, I got over you
In the fourth I talked to you again
In the fifth you even laughed with me
It’s the sixth
This album’s almost done
And I can’t fucking wait to let go of you
And I’ve been trying again and again
I don’t even think about you
So why am I even writing this?
Cause you fucked me up so much
That I’m never gonna be the same again
I can’t trust people when they say they love me
Cause who you were in love with was John
Not Cecily
And now
There is no idol
Just one girl
And this summer’s been fucking hell
I’M
FUCKING
TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the summer’s gonna end here
And the summer’s gonna end here
And the summer’s gonna end here
And my weekend’s gonna end here
I wanna cry
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Cecily Renns Seoul, South Korea
Punk rock bunny girl who writes pop songs.
Formerly known as JohnJRenns (johnjrenns.bandcamp.com)
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세실리 렌즈입니다. 펑크록을 만드는 토끼입니다.
Cecily Renns recommends:
(Para)-Social Club vol. 1
by (Para)-Social Club
The compilation album put together by the folks in the Cecily Renns Parasocial Club Discord Server!!!
go to album
My bassist Biddy Fox's chiptune power pop album!!! This is a great introduction to her music and a catchy, fun, and emotional album all around. A big influence for my new album
go to album
My band with Biddy Fox, MIDI Bunny's debut EP!!!
go to albumIf you like Cecily Renns, you may also like:
To See the Next Part of the Dream
by Parannoul
supported by 30 fans who also own “Dysfunctional Bunnygirl”
Takes me back to my high school classroom during the days of binging Inio Asano's old manga scanlations before anything was licensed. At that time, I was discovering many kinds of Asian shoegaze, but I've never heard anything like this. Makes me think of Pasteboard, Supecar, and Midnight Pingpong a bit, and it's funny bc the first two I listen have blue album covers too.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Dec 31, 2013
go to album
